Corny jokes

Why did the apple cry?

Its peelings were hurt.

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him?

Nothing. He just let out a little wine.

What do you call the history of a car?

An autobiography.

What do you get when you combine a recliner with a fruit?

A chairy.

What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table.

What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back?

Wheeeeee!

What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?

If you hadn't been so fresh, we wouldn't be in this jam!

A boy asked his rich uncle for a cowboy outfit for his birthday. So the uncle bought him a used car dealership.

A scientist cloned himself, but the clone turned out to be incredibly rude. Eventually, the scientist got sick of his clone and pushed him over a cliff. The next day he was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.

What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying blue paint?

Both crews were marooned.

Why did the man hit the fortune teller when she started laughing?

He was striking a happy medium.

A man worked at an orange juice factory, but he was canned because he couldn't concentrate.

Another poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.

Did you hear about the pilot who went on sick leave? He had the flew.

Then there was the guy who fell into a vat of molten optical glass after drinking too much. Just two glasses, and look what a spectacle he made of himself.

When Noah was loading the Ark, where did he put the bees?

In the Ark-hives.

A certain leisure complex had a cinema and a swimming pool. One day, the cinema screen fell into the pool. The owners left it there and used it as a dive-in theatre.